Monday, January 20, 2014


This year kinda snuck up on me. Man, 2014 came flying in like a 747 jet. I usually take the time a week or so before the new year to decide what sort of goals/changes/additions/subtractions I want to make in the new year. This year was different. Here I am nearly three weeks in and I have FINALLY discovered my goal for the year (and beyond). I have one goal:


Sounds lame doesn't it? But, I'm a great starter. I start a lot of things. I plan a lot of things that sound amazing in my head. I talk about them and get excited about them and go "gang-busters" on said projects for an unspecified amount of time and then....I never finish. I honestly have no idea why I am this way. All I really can say is I certainly did not inherit it from my mother...she finishes.

So I figured with this new goal, it can encompass a whole slew of things that I'd like to accomplish this year because really, the only way to accomplish them is to work on the aforementioned goal. 

I want to be a finisher. 

I went back to this time last year and read some of my blog posts. The same things I was talking about then are the very same things that I'm still "talking" about because I haven't done much. I've decided to stop talking. Unless I am taking actual steps toward accomplishing something, I'm keeping my big mouth shut.

I know that God has a plan for everything and sometimes we get a glimpse of that plan and get excited but it's not in His timing yet. How many times did He give promises to people in the Bible but they had to wait until His time to see them come through? 

I do know one thing: in order to be a finisher, I have to have discipline in my life. I have to discipline myself to eat better, exercise, spend time with the Father, save money, and be a selfless wife and mother. I am only human and I know I will not always get it right but I have to do better. I have to daily strive to be a better person than I was the day before. 

Our Pastor made a really good point on Sunday. He was speaking in terms of our relationship with the Almighty and he said that our relationship is never the same tomorrow as it is today. It's either better tomorrow because we are walking in faith or it's worse because we're walking in the world. That's a paraphrase but that was the gist of it. Armed with that new insight, I have to do better. I want to do better. In order to be and do better, I have to finish what I start. 

It sound really simple and honestly, it should be. I'm the one that makes it complex and drawn out. I'm the one that gets in the way. I am, in fact, my own worst enemy. But I am striving to do better. 

This time next year, I hope to be writing a blog about all I've managed to finish over the course of the year because I relied on God and walked in faith. 

Oh, walking in faith.....stay tuned for another post coming soon about "Out of the Boat Faith."

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Thursday, January 16, 2014

Search Me...

I should be going to bed right now. It's never a good idea for me to be up past 10 but I don't think I could sleep right now anyway...not after my own personal worship encounter in my office.

If you're a faithful reader, you know about my "Wilderness Journey" or you can read it here.

To get through the wilderness I have been doing my best at being diligent to do my devotion (doing a YouVersion one about Prayer right now), write in my prayer journal, and just spend some time in the Word and praying each night. And when I say I've been doing my best, what I really mean is I could be doing a whole lot better and I'm starting to find 30 minutes before bed is probably not the best time and I tend to fall asleep while I'm either writing in my prayer journal or reading mid-sentence in "Believing God." 

That's the Ever take a look inside yourself and just really not like what you see? Yea...that's me. I'm rather disgusted with myself right now actually - my attitudes about things and situations and people. 

A friend posted a Kari Jobe song on facebook called "Find You on My Knees" and man oh man - it wrecked me. I'm talking head in hands, tears streaming down my face neck, snot running over (you get the picture). I sat on my knees in my office kneeling at my office chair while I played that song over a few times and just cried out to God (in a whisper of course since I don't want to wake the sleepers in the house). The scripture, "Search me oh God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts.See if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" has been weighing heavily on me...especially the second part. I asked God fervently to search my heart and chisel away the nasty stuff because I know there's plenty of it. My ugly thoughts about people, my less than Christ-like reactions to situations, my lack of love for the very people that God has called me to love - - - it's all gotta go. 

I read a blog post by a friend today who was talking about her social media fast and what God has been teaching her and ya know what? I think it may be time for another one. I've done two in the past - one last year around the beginning of the year and one the year before that. Only, I have to do something different with my fast this time and I haven't quite figured out what that will be yet. All I know is this: God has searched me and He is revealing the things in myself that I want gone. That might call for some drastic measures - but then again, Jesus does call us to some drastic measures doesn't He? 

I have found out that the "searching" part doesn't hurt at all. The "revealing" part tends to cause some pressure. But when God gets to "chiseling" and "chipping" away that yuck in your life, it tends to cause pain. But that is what this process is going to take. It might hurt - but in the end, I hope to come out of it shining like Jesus - - - looking less like me, and more like Him.

Search Me

I asked you to search me
You said it might hurt
I said I didn't mind
As long as it worked

You said, "Oh it will -
But I have to go deep
I have to chip off
All that gunk you can't keep."

Whatever it takes, Lord
Now, I'm all Yours.
"Oh, you've always been mine, dear
Of that you can be sure."

Make sure You get it all, God
All that stuff that weighs me down
I'm tired and weary
Of simply carrying it around

"I'll get it rid of it all, love
Anything not of Me
You'll be a different person
Just wait and see."

I'm so sorry, Lord
For letting You down
I thought I had it under control
Till I started to drown.

"My Hand has always been there
But listen here, my love
You can't let Me down
You've never held Me up."

"Get this right, dear child
It is I that hold you
You are in My hands forever
Remember that truth."

He holds you up - not the other way around. Remember that, friends. 

Beautiful image retrieved from: 

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Wednesday, January 8, 2014

In the Wilderness

I haven't blogged much lately.

When I overhauled my blog page, the plan was to blog regularly each week. But my problem is that I don't tend to want to blog about superficial least, if I do, I don't tend to share them on facebook. I share my blog when I post something I feel has some "meat" to it or engages some sort of intelligent thought.
Lately, I haven't felt it. I've sat staring at a blank blog screen wanting to write something that will make my small collection of loyal readers think deeply about matters of faith and life and parenting and relationships. I just haven't felt inspired. Not cool for a wanna-be author.

I've been wondering why this was so for several weeks - pondering why I couldn't get inspired to write anything. I was in the shower the other night (sorry for the overshare) and I just started praying. It was then that I realized that my lack of inspiration came from a lack of preparation which stemmed from a lack of passion. My inspiration comes from the Lord but I haven't been preparing myself by staying in the Word or maintaining a daily prayer life simply because the passion to do so has waned.

Why? Beats me...

I love the Lord and I desire to be in His will and I desire to be the Christ-follower I am meant to be, but that desire has not equaled passion lately and my lack of passion has turned into a loss of inspiration. But, you see, it shouldn't matter whether I have a "passion" to read the living word of God or whether I have a "passion" to stay in communication with my Creator. What should matter is that I do it anyway - and doing it anyway will eventually create passion. My prayer in the shower the other night was that the Lord would restore to me the joy of my salvation. David had to pray the same thing didn't he?

I started reading "Believing God" by Beth Moore thanks to a free download and it's perfect for what I feel I'm going through spiritually right now - a wilderness journey. I'm Heaven-bound, I've been set free, I'm no longer in bondage, but I'm stuck in the wilderness and have not reached my Promised Land yet. Why am I the wilderness? While I'm not sure I know the answer to that one yet, I do know it is not God who moved. He is constant and unchanging. I am the one who has, in a sense, gotten lazy in her walk to the Promised Land. And, instead of feeling like I'm moving forward, I feel like I am at a stand still. You know who can fix that problem? Me. Just me. 

Beth Moore, in her book, challenges readers to take on 3 Faith practices for a chosen amount of time. I have yet to decide how long I want to do these 3 things but I am expecting big things to come from it. I don't care too much for the wilderness, even though my God is faithful in the midst of it. I want to keep moving forward and eventually find myself in the land that God has promised me - whatever and wherever that might be. 

Maybe my promised land awaits right through the fog...perhaps it's the fog (the unknown) that scares me. 
(Photo obtained through google images)

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