Thursday, October 18, 2012

Once Upon a Dream

As far back as I can remember, I have wanted to be a writer. At a very early age I was creating my own stories. Mom tells me I never let her read to me. I would just take the book myself and come up with my own tale. I wrote numerous stories throughout grade school: mysterious alien abductions (yes, you can laugh), magical jars of sand, victims becoming friends with their bullies - you name it. It didn't matter, as long as I was creating some other world.

Somewhere along the way (I'm not sure when) the passionate writer in me fizzled out - bombarded by the mundane writing of an overachieving student. Don't get me wrong, I dazzled my teachers with my writing (or baffled with BS, either one). It was always on point - it just wasn't ME. It was academic. I don't like writing academically. I like creating.

In college, through one of my favorite professors (one of many), Professor DeBorde (whom I had the privelege of taking 3 classes with), I grabbed hold of that long lost passion. It was like finding an old pair of shoes that fit just right. I brought those "shoes" out, dusted them off, and tried them on realizing then how much the writing thing just fit me.

Herein lies the problem though: I get a great idea for a story. I run with it for a few months. I add to the precision of the plot, the complexity of the characters, the chaos of the conflicts, and things are going really well. The movie in my head is being transformed to words on a page and I am all in.

Until.

If you're a writer, you've been there. It's the worst feeling. It's a nightmare, and for some can take weeks, months, or even YEARS to claw their way through the darkness.

The BLOCK. The writer's block. It's a true thing, people. If you're not a writer, you don't understand this. You may struggle with knowing where to start writing something at times but a true writer's block can only be experienced by a true writer. Sorry, but that's the truth.

I have grandiose ideas for whatever story I am writing at the time and words are flowing steadily until one day I feel like I've hit a wall and I have no idea where to take the rest of the story. And that, dear friends, is the story of this writer's life. I have started so many stories that I have had the notion of turning into a novel or at the very least a novella and then I hit the block and it never does get finished.

For a while I became bogged down with comparing my writing to others and just thinking that it wasn't as good or creative or complex...but I've decided not to do that anymore. My writing is exactly that - it's mine. I have my own voice and my own way of telling things and I don't need to worry about how anyone else tells it.

Right now I have a book I've started and have allowed only a few people to read. I haven't worked on it in a while because I've been unsure of where to take it - the block, people, the block. I hate it. But I've decided to just write and discover as I go. I mean, I always have the revision process. I think what did it was when my hubby actually said today, "You need to write." For some strange reason, hearing that confirmation from him was like gasoline to an engine.

I do need to write. I need to write and finish this story I've been working on - a story of forgiveness, redemption, and unconditional love. I will finish it. I've decided to spend 30 minutes a night just working on it. Hubby has given me his blessing to do that (because I don't want to take time away from him) but I have to devote time to it for it to ever get done. So hold me accountable will you? Ask me periodically how the book is coming so I am forced to be honest with myself.

Perhaps in a few years, you'll be one of the first to own the debut novel of this aspiring author. That's the dream!