Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Great Weight Debate

Like my rhyme?

Yup - I came up with that - or maybe I unknowingly stole it from something else since it sounds familiar but I can't seem to place it. Well, whoever came up with it (me or someone else), is quite clever.

I have struggled with weight my entire life. I have never felt "thin." I look back at pictures now and think, "Wow, I looked pretty good then." But at the time I didn't feel that way. I'm an emotional eater and have been such as far back as I can remember. Fight with a friend? Broke up with my boyfriend? Stressed out with school or work? Received a rotten grade? Life has me down and out? Then by all means, let's order a pizza, or go for a milkshake, or indulge in some Ben and Jerry's or maybe, if it's really bad - all 3 and then some.

I have tried and succeeded many times with losing weight....for a short amount of time. And then I always slip up and it takes months or a year or more for me to get back on track and try again. I have gained extraordinary will power to withstand the tempation of pizza while everyone around me is giving in and I have also failed and eaten half a box.

I'll be honest - it used to be my goal to look like Jessica Alba or some other celebrity who looks great in a bikini. But, I find myself not wanting to look like anyone else. I want to look like me - just a thinner, less fat, healthy me. And may I just tell you? It is hard!

I know how bad the food is that I fill my belly with on a daily basis. I have that desire to eat healthy and organic. But it also costs more and as much as I try to coupon, it just does not work for our finances right now. So I resort to the cheaper, less healthy, gain a pound just by glancing at it type foods.

On my mental bucket list is the accomplishment of running a 5K (and then upwards from there). That's right folks. R-U-N-N-I-N-G. And if you know me at all - you know that I do not run...unless it's an emergency - like I have to pee. But my sister in law wants me to do the Cookies for Cancer 5K in September and I am totally game. But that means I have to train. Yes, technically you can walk the whole thing (it's only 3 miles - I can walk 3 miles) but I don't want to WALK it. I want to RUN it. So...I've started a pinterest board all about my 5K training tips, ideas, etc. I'm going to start the Couch to 5K training routine after I get out of school and I'm going to create a strict menu for myself that I can actually follow. I HAVE to do this - - - and not for anyone else. You see, that's when I fail. I fail when I start to do it for others and not for myself. This has to be for ME this time - for my self image and my health. It won't be easy. It's never been easy for me. But I WANT to do this and I think if I have a tangible goal to work for (like running a 5K in September) rather than losing this or that amount of weight by such and such a time, I will be more successful. I'm not going to watch the numbers on the scale anymore. All they do is taunt me anyway.

So, I'm closing my inner debate within myself and vowing to do it this time - no matter how many times I may fall and have to get back up. The point is that I get back up and keep going. I want to get to the point where I actually enjoy exercise (I was that way in high school) and where my taste buds actually crave healthy things.

I know I can do this...

I WILL do this...