Wednesday, August 17, 2011

No Words...

Okay, so my last post was a bit selfish and petty. I get that now. I hate what caused my attitude to change but I am glad it is changed.

Monday morning, I was really struggling. I broke down in tears a couple of times before I even left the house. Leaving Gabriel this time was harder than when I left after 6 weeks of maternity leave. I cried once I think on the way to work and when I got there, I just was not thrilled. I got everything out of my car and into my classroom in two trips and then sat there overwhelmed at all the stuff I had to do. We had a faculty meeting at 9:00 and by the time I got in and sat down, my phone was going off. It was a text message from a good friend who was wishing me a happy first day back. But then she asked if I had heard about April's husband. I'll admit it took me a second to figure out who she was talking about (I work with an April so at first I was confused) but I quickly figured it out and told her I had not. Then she delivered the horrible news that he had died early that morning in a car accident. I was floored. I had to excuse myself for a moment to call my husband and tell him and I ended up in tears again. This beautiful young lady with 2 children has suddenly lost her husband...not to mention she is still going through treatments for breast cancer. HOW IS THAT FAIR?!?

When I went home for lunch I just collapsed in Jason's arms and cried. There I was complaining about having my room and team switched at school...but how does that tiny inconvenience even come close to comparing to this tragedy? I'll tell doesn't come close AT ALL! I was upset with myself for letting something so small get to me. So I immediately decided my attitude was going to change this year. I was going to CHOOSE to be positive and CHOOSE to be the best I could be no matter what might be thrown my way.

I cannot imagine the pain sweet April is experiencing right now but I told Jason that if it were me...I probably wouldn't want to hear anything anyone had to say. "I'll pray for you?" "Hold your head up?" "Stay strong in the Lord?" None of that is going to bring him back and all the "normal" things people say to other grieving people just seem so trite. I stood in the card section of Target searching for a sympathy card for her for a while and ended up leaving empty handed. None of the cards seemed right. Perhaps that's because none of them were. There is nothing I or any piece of folded card stock can say to make this situation any better. All I can do is pray for God's peace to fall around her and her beautiful kids. Will you pray for her too? Pray for healing in her body and now healing in her heart.

Jason told me that ever since the news on Monday I have been telling him that I love him even more. I didn't realize it but he noticed it and I guess I just want him to know. We are not promised tomorrow so make sure you let the people you love know it.

On a lighter note, my birthday is Friday and Jason and I decided to get away for the weekend to St. Augustine. So, Gabriel will be with my mom Friday and Saturday night. I know I'm going to miss him a lot but hubby and I really need this time together. I'm excited to get away for a relaxing weekend before the kids come back to school on Monday.

Right now, I'm exhausted and am going to bed. So good night.