Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Ramblings I have to Ramble Out....

I promised myself tonight that after the baby was down, the bottles were washed, and this mama had taken her shower, I would go straight to bed. But unfortunately I have too many thoughts running through my head right now that I need to get them out or I will just lay awake for the next few hours pondering over them.

Let me first say...I LOVE MY LIFE! I do...I would not trade this crazy beautiful ride for anything in this entire world or beyond. But sometimes...I just need a break. There are 20 days left in this school year and I feel like every day is a battle with myself. Now that Gabriel seems to be sleeping through the night, you would think that would mean this mama has more energy. Well, that's what you get for thinking...and me too. I am E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D! I feel like I'm running a marathon. I get up at 5:30 at the latest usually to feed my boy (thank God he's sleeping thru the night now), I get myself ready, get his diaper bag ready (unless Jason beats me to it), eat myself some breakfast, get Gabe ready to go and then we're out the door by 7am...most mornings. Jason drives me to work as I chug a cup of coffee (without which my students would be in some serious trouble) and I'm at work by 7:30 or earlier every morning. I grade papers, plan my lesson, read emails, respond to emails, chat (vent) with my pod mates, complain when the bell rings, teach my classes to the best of my ability while running on what feels like empty, leave at 4 when J picks me up, go home, usually spend time with my sweet boy, figure out something for dinner, get dishes done if need be, feed & bathe my son, and around 8:30 or 9:00 try to have him officially down for the night. Then I wash his bottles and take a shower. Sometimes I can get to bed before 10 but most nights it is after.

And I just re-read what I wrote and realized that no where in my day does it include what should be a number one priority - - - Jesus.

And now tears are streaming down my face because I wrote this whole thing and just realized my own problem. I came on her to let go of some things and realized that a lot of what I have been feeling would go away if I made time for my Savior. I can make excuses but none of them really work because if I can make time to go on facebook or watch even one TV show, I can make time to spend with my Creator.

So...on that note...I am going to take my teary-eyed self to bed and probably pray myself to sleep.

Good night.

And the title of my blog tonight should probably be renamed...Epiphany.